In Penitence
by Newbie GK
Summary: He was leaving her. No, that wasn't quite right because he had never been hers to begin with. Ino/Shika Complete.


**Author's Note: **After a long break, I am proud to present yet another angsty story feature one of my favorite pairings. While I was writing it I realized that this makes the third angst-filled Ino/Shika story I've written. At first I thought it was odd and then a quote popped into my head. "Love is feeling like you're getting the better end of a deal." And somehow I thought that quote fit this story perfect. The only other thing I'd like to mention is please read note at bottom after you finish the story.

**Summary**: He was leaving her. No, that wasn't quite right because he had never been hers to begin with. Ino/Shika Complete.

**Warnings**:Mentions of depression, swearing and high levels of angst

**Betareader**: None

* * *

In Penitence

* * *

The announcement came in the mail. A pale white envelope carefully hid the content within. Ino carried it in unknowingly with her bills and cards from friends and distant relatives. She set it on the counter with all the other papers and promptly forgot all about it.

A few days later as she sipped her steaming jasmine tea and grudgingly sorted through the stack that had been piling up, she discovered the envelope. She tore through the seal by rote and felt surprised when a pale blue card fell out. Curious, Ino picked the card off her hardwood floor, slightly intrigued by the gloss on the card's surface. It wasn't until she managed to read the elegant script that she actually understood.

The card was an invitation - a wedding invitation to be exact. Her eyes blankly traced the letters on the card over and over again as her mind struggled to piece together the message. Eventually, Ino understood. It would seem she was being inviting to witness the union of Shikamaru from the Village Hidden in the Leaves and Temari of the Village Hidden in the Sand.

By the time Ino remembered the cup of tea in her hand, her drink had gone cold.

* * *

"_Go out with me."_

_Wide blue eyes turned to stare at her childhood friend, her partner, her confidant. Shikamaru ignored her bewildered look and continued to gaze at the clouds above them. To an outsider, he looked as calm and lazy as ever._

_But Ino knew better. She could see the tightness in his shoulders, the clenched hands at his side and the way his eyes flickered over to watch her reaction. He was nervous and that made her smile._

"_Okay__," she replied, pulling her knees closer to her chest to hide her growing smile._

_

* * *

_

The next few weeks passed by quickly. Soon Ino found herself deeply buried in her work. The demands on the torture and interrogation unit were extensive even after most of the Akatsuki had been disposed of. She relished the opportunity to bury her personal problems deep within her work and it came with an unexpected benefit. Her unrelenting determination and long hours in the interrogation room had boosted her information retrieval rate. Her success rate rose to the second highest of the unit, surpassed only by Ibiki himself.

Soon the more problematic cases began to be sent her way and like with everything else, she dove headfirst into it. Ino would do anything to keep her mind occupied, even if it meant diving into someone else's head for awhile. It was then that the problems started.

At first, it was just a persistent headache. Ino brushed the symptom aside as a sign of fatigue. Then she noticed her charka levels were taking longer to replenishing themselves. It was another minor annoyance but one that she could easily be overcome by popping in a soldier pill every so often to boost her strength. And it worked fine.

Then the disorientation began. After a long interrogation, Ino would return to her body confused and unable to recognize her surroundings. She couldn't even identify some of her fellow shinobi. The confusion only lasted a few minutes but it scared her. Soon she began to take an extra soldier pill before each session.

But the symptoms only got worse. It began to get harder and harder to separate herself from the minds she entered. The disorientation meant it took longer and longer to find her way back to her own body again. Ino tried to keep it to herself, tried to hide her confusion she underwent after releasing her family's prized jutsu. But Ino was surrounded by a unit specifically chosen to find the truth in a midst of lies. Deep down Ino knew that it was only a matter of time before they saw through her as well.

* * *

"_Take it," Shikamaru said gruffly, an uncharacteristic blush gracing his cheeks. A matching color rose on her face as took the gift from his hands. They had been dating for nearly five months and yet he still could make her feel like a giddy academy student. _

"_Wildflowers?" Ino asked confused._

_Shikamaru coughed into his hand to mask the embarrassed smile beneath. "True love," he corrected__._

_

* * *

_

It was getting worse. The headaches, the disorientation, the confusion, all of it was getting worse. The soldiers pills helped make things bearable but it was getting harder to hide her symptoms from her colleagues. Ibiki in particular was beginning to watch her more closely. Still, since he never approached her, Ino figured she was safe.

She should have known better. After a particularly grueling interrogation made worse by a nasty mind trap jutsu, Ino awoke in her body unable to recall her own name. For twenty minutes, she shook and screamed anytime anyone came near.

When her memories finally returned, Ibiki was there waiting.

"Never figured you for a coward," he said, his black eyes boring into her. It took a moment for his words to penetrate but as soon as they did she became furious.

"I am a shinobi of Konoha," Ino said rising to her feet, "I am no coward."

He snorted and took a step closer. His scars on his face looked ghastly in the dark room and his smile appeared both cold and cruel. He stood over a foot taller than her but that was no deterent. She simply tilted her head back and glared up. Boss or no, she was more than willing to take him on.

"You'd rather run from your problems than face them head on," he said staring her down, "that makes you a fucking coward."

"You know nothing about me," Ino snarled.

His shoulder rose in a careless shrug, "I know running away from problems never solves a damn thing."

"Oh really?" she said with a feral grin, "let me tell you what I know. I know that I am one of the best retrieval specialists you've got. I know there hasn't been a single complaint about my performance since I started here four years ago. I know that if you even _think_ about taking me off the work rotation, you will lose the best shinobi you've got. So you can take your concern and shove it up your ass!"

She was screaming at the end, her breaths coming in and out in pants. Her hands fisted at her sides trembled with rage and indignation. And Ibiki just stared at her with a look that said he wasn't buying any of her bullshit. And for a moment, Ino felt afraid. Her job was the only thing keeping her _sane_, if he took it away from her…

"Fine," he grumbled, "but the moment you fuck-up, you're gone."

As he left, Ino felt so much relief that her knees nearly shook. Taking a deep breath, she headed home. But despite the confrontation, nothing changed.

Each morning, she popped in a soldier pill and downed cup after cup of coffee to help her make it through the day. Each night, she dragged herself to bed and collapsed from charka exhaustion. But just before she fell asleep, Ino would take one last look at the invitation that rested on her nightstand. The silver calligraphy and the carefully scripted words on the pale blue paper looked so elegant, so beautiful, so heartbreaking. Each night she would fall asleep tracing the letters of Shikamaru's name in remembrance of a time when she was still the one he loved.

* * *

"_Will you marry me?"_

_The protein shake that spewed out of her mouth and went all over the table didn't faze him a bit. _

"_Will you marry me?" he repeated pulling a ring from his jounin vest as she continued to watch him in stunned disbelief. But then she looked into his dark eyes and instantly knew the answer. _

"_Yes," she shouted, before tackling him across the table in a violent hug__._

_

* * *

_

After nearly two months of living off soldier pills and coffee, the cost of her lifestyle caught up with her. Ino collapsed at work. Worse yet, she collapsed before she managed to disengage her jutsu, leaving her trapped within the mind of an enemy shinobi.

Ino awoke nearly three hours later to a ferocious migraine and a pairs of furious black eyes. Ibiki, livid at his protégé for not taking better care of herself, sent her home under orders that she was suspended for a minimum of two weeks or until she got her "fucked up life back in order."

Ino left the building feeling pissed off and frustrated. And she ran into someone even more furious than herself.

"How could you do this, Ino."

"Daddy?" she said confused as her father emerged from the building's shadows. "How could you be so reckless?"

"What are you doing here?"

"They called me, Ino!" he shouted, "no one could get you out so they called me."

Ino bit her lip as her words died in her throat. No one had told her that part. But it did explain why Ibiki was so upset at her.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," she said, her voice barely a whisper. She hated disappointed him. He been her role model since she was a little girl; she had never wanted to let him down.

"Sorry isn't good enough," he said.

Ino shoulders slouched in shame at the accusation in his voice. "But Daddy…" she pleaded.

"Don't 'daddy' me!" he shouted, "I taught better than that!"

She stared at him in complete disbelief; he had never raised his voice to her like that before. Never. Tears began to pool in her eyes. But he just shook his head. "I taught you better," he repeated and walked away. Ashamed Ino slinked her way back to her apartment.

That night when she collapsed in exhaustion, she didn't look at the card. That night she couldn't bear to see his name. That night, she tried to forget that they had ever been together in the first place. Even so, the shame of all her past mistakes felt like weight dragging her down. She doubted she could ever escape this feeling.

* * *

"_I'm pregnant."_

_Sakura's eyes widened. "How long?"_

"_Just over a month or so. I didn't put it together until yesterday," Ino said with a laugh, " After I realized it, I went right out and got a pregnancy test. It's confirmed. I really am pregnant."_

"_That's wonderful. Have you told Shikamaru yet?"_

_Ino shook her head in wry amusement. "He left on a mission early yesterday morning. I won't be able to tell him for another couple of weeks__."_

_

* * *

_

The next day, a pink-haired girl stood on her doorstep at four in the afternoon, arms full of liquor and with no intention of leaving. With a sigh, Ino let Sakura in and resigned herself to unpleasant night of being on the other side of an interrogation table.

"Beer or wine?"

"Wine," Ino called back as she plopped down on a beige chair to watch Sakura bustled around in the kitchen as if she owned the place. She pulled two wine glasses from the rack and made her way to the couch across from Ino. Setting the glasses on the table, she carefully poured the drinks.

"I'm fine," Ino said before Sakura could start. Sakura just smiled knowingly in response and held out one of the glasses.

"How about we get started on the drinks and then we can talk."

Ino smiled wryly, taking the proffered glass. "Bottoms up."

They spent over thirty minutes in silence, taking sips of their drinks. Ino hated silence. She hated static moments spent waiting in anticipation. But in this particular case, she feared speaking even more. Even so, the words that had been building in her throat since Sakura's arrival began to slip out like water leaking through the hole of a dam before it burst wide open.

"There's no reason for you to have come. I really am fine, you know."

Sakura raised a thin pink eyebrow but didn't comment on the oblivious lie.

"I've just been working a little too much lately."

Sakura sighed and looked her in the eyes. "I got the invitation too, you know."

Ino's grip on her glass tighten but she managed to brush aside her feelings and smile.

"It doesn't even bother me," she said taking a large sip of her wine.

Sakura calmly sipped her drink and waited.

"I'm glad he's moving on."

Sakura snorted and Ino took the defensive.

"I mean it. I'm glad he's moving on. I have."

Sakura set her drink down with a sigh. "I think we both know that isn't true."

* * *

_Shikamaru was overdue from his mission. Ino spent the time wanting him home so she could wring his neck and wanting him back so she could bury herself in his arms. She waited at the watchtower a few hours each day in hopes of hearing any clues to his whereabouts. _

_When an injured chunin from his team limped towards the gates, she had her answers. Shikamaru's team had been attacked by enemy nin. Shikamaru and another jonin had been captured. Tsunade quickly assembled a team to retrieve the missing warriors. Ino stood among them__. _

_

* * *

_

They sat in silence again. Ino fiddled with the edges of her white blanket she carelessly tossed unto the couch when she found it too difficult to make it to her bedroom to sleep. It was soft blanket that she used to curl up in to fight off the chill on late summer nights. Shikamaru had actually been the one to pick it out. He used to complain when they went out that girls got cold too easily. But no matter how much he complained he always offered put his shoulder around her when night fell. She loved curling into his body heat, palm resting lightly over his heart.

"Oh Ino."

Startled, Ino looked at Sakura and found the image blurred by her tears. "I hate this," Ino finally confessed. "I hate that we never talk anymore. I hate that anytime I see him, I run away. I hate that I miss him. I hate it!"

Sakura quickly moved beside her on the couch to put her arms around Ino's shoulders. Ino sniffled and leaned against her. "But the thing I hate the most," she whispered "is that I can't stop feeling guilty."

Sakura pulled back slightly to see Ino's face. Her mouth opened and closed as she tried to find a way to phrase the question she always wanted to know the answer to. "Did you," Sakura began, "did you ever tell him?"

Ino pulled away unable to look into the green eyes that saw too much, that knew too much. "About?"

Sakura sighed, her voice dropping to a gentle whisper. "About what happened to the baby."

* * *

_Shikamaru was home. Injured but alive, the Konoha team managed to retrieve their two fallen comrades. The damage done to his internal organs had been extensive and placed him in the intensive care unit in the hospital under. Tsunade's care._

_Shikamaru was home. But at a price. _

_During the mission, Ino had to fight in hand to hand combat in order to give the retrieval team enough time to evacuate. She only sustained minor injuries but a few days later she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen. Sakura insisted on running some tests and the results were devastating. _

_Ino had lost the baby__._

_

* * *

_

Sakura left in the morning. Right before she went, Ino handed her something. Sakura took one look at the envelope, another at Ino's face and shook her head.

"You're insane," she said trying to shove the paper back into her hands.

Ino smiled with a careless shrug and didn't take it back. "Probably," she agreed easily.

"You actually want to go to Shikamaru's wedding?" she said waving the pale blue card in her face.

"Of course not," Ino sharply replied.

"But," she continued as her blue eyes dimmed, "I have to go. It's been almost two years and things haven't gotten any better. I think it's the only way I can forget about him."

Sakura sighed and looked the RSVP form that was checked yes for attending. "Fine," she huffed," but afterwards we're going to a bar and you're going to explain how your warped sense of logic makes this make sense."

Ino laughed slightly with tears still hovering close to the surface. "You're on Forehead."

Sakura smiled in understanding; she knew what it felt like to be unable to let go of an impossible love, "whatever you say, Ino-pig."

That night as Ino rested in the bed that used to be made for two, she felt tormented by memories she wished she could forget.

* * *

"_Ino, why are you doing this? Why are you handing me back the ring?"_

_She wanted to tell him the truth. The horrible wretched truth that plucked at her vocal cords and choked her like bile in the back of her throat. She wanted to tell him about the horrible feelings of guilt she had for losing the child he would never know. But she wouldn't. She knew that he would not blame her as she did. Instead, he would blame himself for trading the baby's life for his own._

_She may not have been able to save the baby but she would save him from such a fate._

_So she smirked, hand fluffing her hair as she looked away. "If you must know," she said adding a snobbish undertone to her voice, "his name is Ryomaru. We've been seeing each other for over five months now."_

_His dark eyes turned to cobalt. "Impossible," he said, "I would have…"_

"_Known?" she laughed, hating herself for using all of his insecurities against him, "even geniuses don't know everything__."_

_

* * *

_

She had expected him to come. Knew that as soon as he got her response, he would visit. Still when she returned home from shopping and found him standing in the kitchen, she felt surprised. The familiarity of the scene felt like a poisoned senbon directly shot into her heart. Every beat of her heart sent the poisoned deeper into her body. She willed the traitorous organ to return to its normal rhythm. She still had a part to play even after all this time.

"Shikamaru," she managed to say evenly as she set the bags down on the table.

"Why are you doing this?"

She had heard those words before and again every night for the past two weeks. They haunted her footsteps and echoed in her mind. "I'm sorry?" she said playing the part of a dumb blonde.

He hissed, knowing she was being deliberately obtuse. "Why are you attending my wedding?"

She laughed, amazed at the bitter situation they found themselves in. She had pushed him away and yet never stopped loving him. He thought himself discarded and quickly moved on.

"If you didn't want me to attend the wedding," she said chiding him like they were still genins, "why send me the invitation?"

"I didn't. Temari did."

The well placed barb did its job perfectly. "Oh," she said trying to remember how to breathe with a kunai stuck in her lung.

"I love her," he said forcefully.

Those words hurt but she had accepted them a long time ago. "I know," Ino replied quickly, firmly. She smiled, a genuine smile for the first time in nearly two years though it seemed a bit sad at the edges, "Why else would you want to marry her?"

"If you try to come between us…"

The smile wavered but didn't fall. "That was never my intention," she told him softly, honestly.

Shikamaru stared at her as if she were some puzzle piece that he couldn't get to fit in with the others. Ino straightened her spine, unwilling to falter in front of him. She doubted she would see him again after this and she hated the idea of leaving him with a memory of her appearing weak or vulnerable.

"Was that all or were you planning to stay over for dinner?" she asked moving past him into the kitchen. When she turned around for his response, he was already gone. Ino sighed eyes tracing the place where he had been. Slowly, she turned away from the kitchen. The guilt that filled her stomach never left any room for an appetite.

* * *

_In the months after their breakup, Ino avoided people as much as possible. She began to accept more dangerous missions, ones that took her away from Konoha and the confused looks of well meaning friends and family. Her parents didn't understand her withdrawal. But it was understandable. She never told them about the baby, so eager to tell Shikamaru first. Only Sakura shared her burden and Ino had sworn her to secrecy. _

_But even when she was miles from Konoha, Shikamaru was all she could think about, the only one she ever wanted. _

_Unfortunately, it didn't matter because she didn't feel worthy of him anymore__._

_

* * *

_

They day of the wedding was drawing near. Ino was a bundle of nerves. She felt like a bride-to-be having wedding jitters and the irony of the situation left a bitter taste in her mouth. If she hadn't given back the ring, if she had talked to Shikamaru, if she had explained things, none of this would be happening.

Ino knew she shouldn't dwell on things she couldn't change but sitting at a bar with alcohol running through her system had the tendency to make her either really loud and obnoxious or quiet and introspective. Apparently tonight was the night for deep thinking whether she wanted to or not.

She sighed, the movement drawing Sakura's attention.

"Well, aren't we just regular party central," Sakura drawled.

Ino's lips twitched upward at the wisecrack but the truth of the statement kept her from laughing.

"Sorry," Ino said. Sakura hated bars but willingly came so Ino wouldn't have to be alone. In fact, Sakura was probably the one thing that had kept her sane all these months.

Sakura shrugged off her apology with the wave of her glass. "It's cool," she said before knocking back the drink. "I need to work on my tolerance to alcohol if I'm going to follow Tsunada-sensei's example.

That brought a laugh. "You are the best friend a girl could ask for," Ino remarked signaling the bartender for another round.

Sakura's smile dimmed. "Not always," she replied cryptically.

Ino sent her a puzzled look. "What's that supposed to me?"

Sakura shook her head. "Forget it," she said taking the glass from the man behind the counter and immediately knocking it back. "So are we staying here all night or are we ready to head over to the next bar?"

Ino saw the change in topics and ignored it. "What did you mean?"

"Just let it go."

"No, it obviously has something to do with me and I want to know what it is."

Sakura sent her an exasperated look muddled by the fact that alcohol had given her verdant eyes a mild glassy sheen. "It's just…"

"Yeah?" Ino asked raising the glass to her lips.

"I think if I was a better friend, I would have stopped you from letting him go."

The drink hovered at her lips. Eventually, she set it back down and walked out of the bar without looking at Sakura.

* * *

_After Tsunade pronounced him fully recovered, Shikamaru began to take on diplomatic missions to Suna. tended to make horrible gossips, so the rumors began soon after. People began to say that it wasn't the Kazakage he went to see but his sister. _

_At first Ino dismissed it all as nonsense. She knew that gossip tended to exaggerate minor details far out of proportion. Then Temari began to make trips to Konoha and Ino began to wonder if the rumors didn't hold some truth after all. _

_She knew she didn't have a right to feel jealous of the pair whenever she saw them together but it didn't make the pain hurt any less__. _

_

* * *

_

The day of the wedding had finally come. Ino couldn't manage even an hour of sleep the night before. She hid the dark bags under her eyes with thick make-up and prayed no one would notice the difference. She wore a black dress laced in white trimming. Perhaps, not the typically outfit for a wedding but somehow it seemed appropriate.

Sakura came to get her apartment to pick her up so they could walk down to the ceremony together. During the walk, Sakura kept shooting worried glances at her. Ino ignored them, knowing that Sakura was just surprised that she was really going to go through with this.

Ino's heart grew heavier with each step but she continued to march forward, determined to see the charade to the end. When they got to the chapel, Ino told Sakura to go sit down and said she would join her later. Surprisingly enough, Sakura did she asked. Meanwhile Ino snuck out of the church to a small building that housed the wedding party. Ino had something else she needed to take care of and needed to talk to someone before the wedding began.

Temari was confused and perhaps even bewildered by Ino's appearance outside of her changing room. But she must have noticed Ino's determined look because she let the younger woman in without any protest. Ino looked around the small room. At the beautiful flower arrangement on the vanity and the stunning white dress Temari wore.

"I'm not here to stop you," Ino said without preamble.

"I never said you were," Temari replied with a quirked eyebrow.

Ino didn't rise to the bait. She only wanted to get out what she came to say and leave. "You're marrying a good man. Probably the best Konoha has to offer," she laughed and tears began to leak out, "though he would never say so."

"I know that already," Temari said, "what I want to know is why are you here?"

Ino squared her shoulders and looked the other woman, the _better _woman, in the eyes. "He deserves better than either of us," she said, but before Temari could retort she spoke again, "but I'm glad he has you."

This silenced the fierce Suna warrior and Ino smiled, tears running down her pale cheeks.

"Don't ever stop loving him," she whispered before leaving the dressing room. And she left. She headed to Konoha gates and grabbed the small pack she had stored in the tower the previous night that held a change of clothes and a week's worth of rations. She had a mission in Wave County she needed to get to.

As she took to the running in the treetops she realized finally that Sakura was right. She never would be able to watch Shikamaru marry another woman. Not while she was still in love with him. Still as much as it hurt, she was able to admit that a part of her was happy that Shikamaru did find someone to love. He deserved it more than anyone.

* * *

_They ran into each other once. It was in Konoha, just outside the city gates. Ino was heading out on a solo assignment when she spotted the trademark hair and ever-present fan strapped to Temari's back. For a moment they stared at one another, sizing each up like an unknown enemy opponent. They didn't say anything. They didn't need to. Their body language said it all._

"_Do you love him?" Ino asked hesitantly._

_Temari's eyes narrowed in a challenge. "Yeah, I do."_

"_Good," Ino said smiling in relief though a part of her ached at the notion, "I'm glad." _

_And she meant it._

_

* * *

_

Ino spent three weeks in Wave Country working on rebuilding the village after a mudslide had damaged the southern section of town. During her time there she connected with the people and felt better than she had in years.

One day while she was working repairing an old work shed, a small child named Akio came up to her. In a small chubby fist, she clutched a flower. Ino smiled, gently taking the flower for her hand. When Akio ran off to her mother, a sense of loneliness began to creep into her heart and settled there with a dull ache. She had a child once. She had a family. She had love.

Hurting, Ino excused herself and raced back to her hotel room. Locking the door behind her, she fell to her knees as something inside of her finally broke. Miles away from home, Ino finally mourned.

She mourned the loss of the man she would always love.

She mourned the loss of the child she never got to know.

She even mourned the loss of her identity – the loss of the confident woman she used to be.

And then she found herself again.

Slightly bruised and battered by the events, but not broken. She knew she could live again –that she would live again. And when it was finally time to return, Ino made the trip back to Konoha feeling better than she had in two years. She was ready to be herself again.

It was late when she got back to Konoha. Night had fallen nearly two hours before but she was determined to make it home. She had put off the inevitable long enough. Not to mention, she missed her friends and family. She wanted to see them; she wanted to tell them she was finally okay, not perfect, but better. Ino even felt strong enough to tell her parents about the truth behind the broken engagement and about the baby.

She dropped down from the trees with a quarter of a mile to go. She felt like walking and enjoying the crisp night air for a while. She walked beneath the trees taking time to look around. It had been so long since she had let go of her worries and just enjoyed things that life freely offered.

Shikamaru had been one of the few people capable of getting her to slow down and simply enjoy the scenery. And with that thought she looked at the night sky for the first time in a long time. It was partially covered by the foliage but what she could see was breathtaking. The sky looked the color of a dark violet accented by flecks of silver starlight. It was so beautiful.

And she had missed looking at it.

She smiled and looked back at the path before her. A figure stood there now. The height, the stance, even the downturned slope of his shoulders told her who it was even though she was too far away to see his face.

"Shikamaru," she breathed. Her heart echoed his name with every beat. _Shikamaru. Shikamaru. Shikamaru. _

The figure's head turned to look at her. "Ino," the voice seemed lower in pitch but that could have just been her imagination. What was he doing here? Why now? Wasn't he supposed to be in Suna with his new bride?

She watched as he approached her. The shadows played across his face and she realized that she was deep within his element now. But rather feeling afraid, the revelation only pushed her heart into a faster pace. _Shikamaru. Shikamaru. Shikamaru, _it continued to pulse.

"What are you doing here?" she asked in wonder.

His eyes were impossible to see in such dismal light but she could feel them on her. She wanted to cross her arms, turn away anything to prevent the feeling that he could see right through but she resisted the urge. She owed him and if he wanted to look so be it.

_Shikamaru. Shika-_

"I know." Those two words stopped her heart from moving. It was as if he cast his kagemane no jutsu directly over her heart. It was impossible. There was no way he could have known.

"Sakura told me."

The strength rushed out of her body and she struggled to remain standing. "When?" she asked, voice cracking on the word.

"Just before the wedding."

Ino remembered the strange looks Sakura kept sending her during their walk to the church and realized that Sakura had probably planned it then.

"I told her not to," she said unsure who she was speaking to. How could this have happened?

"I know."

She looked at him, tears blurring her vision. She said the three words that echoed in her head ever since it happened. "I'm so sorry," she cried. "I'm so sorry."

She fell to her knees, hands pressed tightly against her face trying to stop the tears. "I'm so sorry," she repeated, as the tears continued to leak out. She thought she had cried out all her tears in Wave Country but apparently she was mistaken. She couldn't see anything behind the fountain of tears and her calloused hands but she felt it when he knelt down beside her. With a quick tug she was pulled against his shoulder and his arms were wrapped around her the coldness of evening chill leaving her body. She felt too weak to fight away the emotions he spurred within her and too tired of fighting the comfort he had to offer.

She cried into his shoulder mumbling apologies and begging for forgiveness for losing the baby. The only thing she never apologized for was keeping the information from him. But apparently that was one the one thing he needed to hear.

"Why?" he finally asked against her hair when her tears finally slowed. "Why didn't you _tell _me?"

His voice was harsh but she could still hear the agony underneath it. She tried to pull away from him but his arms were as strong as iron chains around her and kept her in place.

"Why?" he asked again.

"I couldn't," she whispered, looking at him with pale cheeks and red-rimmed eyes for only a second before breaking eye contact, "how could I tell you that I was too careless and lost the baby – _our_ baby – before it was ever born."

Long fingers grasped her face and tipped it back to him. She closed her eyes unable to look at him now that he knew the whole truth about what happened. But then he kissed her and the whole world shifted. The lips felt cold against her own but they ignited a fire within her stomach that erased every drop of guilt. She kissed him back with every emotion that coursed within her.

When he pulled away, they both were panting and Ino could still feel a fire burning within her. "It wasn't your fault," he said and the words yanked Ino back to reality.

"How can you say that," she shouted, trying to shove him away "I signed up for the mission! I was the one who-"

"Rescued me!" he finished. "If I hadn't been captured, you never would have had to go on that mission on the first place."

"It wasn't your fault," she insisted, "you couldn't have known that it would happen."

Shikamaru chuckled darkly and rested his forehead against hers. "Listen to yourself," he said voice thick with emotion while he laced their hands together like he used to, "if I couldn't have known, what makes you think you should have?"

She blinked as tears swam in her vision. "But I should have known," she said quietly, enjoying the warmth of his fingertips, "I was given something so precious and I should have protected it better."

He kissed her gently on the forehead, then once on each eye and finally he placed a gentle kiss against her lips. "Neither of us," he said slowly, drawing her eyes back to his, "could have known what would happen that day. My biggest regret in all of this was that I didn't try to stop you from leaving."

She paused but then she realized that this was perhaps her one opportunity to get answered the question she always wanted to ask. "Why didn't you?" she asked quietly, playing with the fingers that were laced with hers.

He tensed for a moment and it drew her attention back to his face. He looked conflicted and for a moment she wanted to tell him that he didn't have to answer but then he responded.

"Ever since we began dating, I kept waiting for the day you would leave me."

His words felt like a hard slap across her face. It stung but worst of all it made her feel a deep and irrational sense of shame. She immediately tried to pull back from him but he refused to let her leave.

"Listen to me!" he shouted while she struggled. "Listen!"

"No!" she said trying to climb away from him.

"I loved you!"

The words halted her movements.

"I loved you but I knew you too good for me," he continued and Ino stared at him in disbelief. "I knew you always would be too good for me. And when I asked you out, I couldn't believe you actually said yes. So I kept telling myself not to get my hopes up, not to think it could last. I kept waiting until the day you found someone better."

"Why?" she demanded, catching him off guard with a hard whack to his shoulder, "Why would you think that I would want anyone but you!"

He rolled his eyes and snorted in disbelief, "I don't know but does the name Sasuke ring a bell?"

"You idiot!" she said hitting him again, "You idiot! You actually thought I loved Sasuke?"

This of course caught his attention. "You didn't?"

"Of course not!"

"But you-"

"I was eight and pissed at Sakura for ruining our friendship!"

They sat on the ground staring at one another. Shikamaru in disbelief as he continued to process the information and Ino watched him in anger. How could he even think she loved Sasuke? How could this so-claimed genius be such an idiot? True, when she was a kid she had thought Sasuke was a bit cute and all, but she didn't _love _him. She had only ever loved one man and it was idiot before her. The same idiot of course who had easily replaced her with Temar-

The sick feeling in her stomach returned tenfold. "Oh my god," she said hands touching her lips as she realized what she had done. She was so caught up in the moment; she hadn't even stopped to think.

"What is it?"

"Oh my god," she repeated unable to look at him. How could she do something like this? Had she really sunken so low?

"Ino, what is it?" he asked desperately, gently touching her arm.

His touch sent her jumping to her feet and out of his reach. "You're married," she accused, her arms crossing tightly across her chest as a thin barrier of protection. "How could you kiss me!"

He jumped to his feet and yanked her shoulder towards him until their lips were pinned together once more. But this time, the heat in her stomach his kiss inspired was pure anger. She pulled back her right hand and slapped him across his face. Hard.

With his head still tilted to the right and cheek turning red from the force of the blow, Shikamaru didn't move a muscle. Ino watched him, nostrils flaring in anger as she silently dared him to give her an excuse to hit him again. When he didn't do anything, her anger began to slowly ebb away replaced by feelings of sadness and disbelief. She was about to give into her tears for the third time that night when he finally spoke.

"Troublesome."

"What?" she hissed warningly.

"Troublesome," he said louder, looking her straight in the eye.

She pulled her hand back to hit him again but he caught it before it could make contact. His long fingers circled around her petite wrist to the point she couldn't shake her hand free. "Let go of me," she growled.

"No."

"Let go!"

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because," he hissed lowering his head right next to her ear, "I'm not married."

This caught her off guard. "W-what?"

"Temari and I called off the wedding."

"You… you did?" she prayed her voice didn't sound nearly as pitiful and hopeful as it did to her.

He winced slightly. "She did."

Something in her deflated a bit. "Oh."

He shook his head. "Her brother hit me for it too."

This startled her. "But she called it off."

"Apparently it's the principle of the thing."

Ino blinked as she absorbed the words, but something larger was nagging at her. "Why?" she asked in a small voice, knowing he would understand her question.

Shikamaru loosened his tight grip on her wrist in favor of linking their hands together once more. "She said she couldn't marry anyone who was still in love with someone else."

A fluttering of hope returned to her chest as she looked at him. "You… you are?"

"Yeah," he said, lips barely turned upward at the edges in a faint trace of a smile, "I am."

And then he kissed her again, softly, gently. And this time, she didn't resist. "I love you," she said when they broke apart.

"I know," he said. "Now come on, it's time to get you home."

They walked together hand in hand for the last stretch of the road back to Konoha. She kept glancing at him as if unable to believe that he was really beside her. "I love you," she whispered again. He gave no sign of acknowledgement other than a slight squeeze of her fingers. She smiled. She had found herself back in Wave Country but she hadn't found her heart until the road to Konoha. How could she, when Shikamaru was the one holding it all along?

She laughed and gave his fingers a playful squeeze before disentangling their hands.

"Race you home," she called impishly over her shoulder before taking off in a slow jog.

To her delight, he chased after her. When he caught her, like she knew he would, he pulled her in for a tight kiss that left her wonderfully breathless. They made not have all the answer right then but they had each other and that was more than enough.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I just wanted to say that I do not blame Ino in anyway for losing the baby. She feels guilty simply because something terrible has happened and she doesn't know who else she can blame. In no way do I believe it is her fault. Unfortunately, as common with miscarriages, women tend to blame themselves regardless.


End file.
